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Month 11 Weeks 40-47 70h total M7 Validated

Months 11-12: Conflict Resolution

difficult conversationsnonviolent communicationnegotiationconflict transformation
Duration
8 weeks
Study Time
70h
~9h/week
Daily Target
30-60
minutes

Related Phases

Months 11-12 Detailed Schedule

Weeks 39-44: Phase 4 - Navigate Conflict

Everything you’ve learned gets tested when conflict arises. Phase 4 teaches you to handle the hardest conversations - with skill, empathy, and courage. Conflict isn’t failure; it’s inevitable. The question is whether you navigate it skillfully or destructively.


How to Use This Schedule

Daily Time Commitment: 30-60 minutes

Flexibility Rules:

Icons:


Phase 4 Overview

WeekBook(s)Focus
39Difficult ConversationsThe Three Conversations framework
40Getting to YesPrincipled negotiation, BATNA
41Nonviolent CommunicationObservations, Feelings, Needs, Requests
42Thanks for the FeedbackReceiving feedback, triggers
43Getting Past No + The Anatomy of PeaceBreakthrough strategies, heart at peace
44Integration & PracticeRole-play, reflection, consolidation

Week 39: Difficult Conversations - The Three Conversations

Goal: Complete “Difficult Conversations” + Understand the three conversations in every conflict

Day 267 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:movie_camera:Watch: Sheila Heen at TEDx “How to Use Others’ Feedback to Learn and Grow”15 min
:books:“Difficult Conversations” - Introduction + Chapter 145 min
:memo:Identify: What difficult conversation have you been avoiding?10 min

Video: Search “Sheila Heen TEDx feedback” on YouTube

The Core Premise:

Every difficult conversation is actually THREE conversations happening at once.

Why This Book First:

Your Avoided Conversation: Write down one difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding:


Day 268 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Difficult Conversations” - Chapter 2 (The “What Happened?” Conversation)50 min
:zap:Note: What’s your default in conflicts - blame or curiosity?10 min

The Three Conversations:

ConversationWhat It’s AboutWhat Goes Wrong
1. What Happened?Facts, events, who did whatWe argue about who’s “right”
2. FeelingsEmotions on both sidesWe ignore or suppress them
3. IdentityWhat this says about meOur self-image feels threatened

Conversation 1: “What Happened?”

The Truth and Perception Problem:

The Shift:

Instead of…Try…
”Here’s what happened…""Here’s what I saw…"
"You did this wrong""I experienced it this way"
"That’s not true""I see it differently”

Day 269 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Difficult Conversations” - Chapter 3 (Stop Arguing About Who’s Right)50 min
:brain:AI-assisted: Map a past conflict from both perspectives15 min

The “And Stance”:

Don’t choose between stories. Hold both:

Contribution vs. Blame:

BlameContribution
Who’s at fault?What did each of us do?
Looking backwardLooking forward
JudgingUnderstanding
Creates defensivenessCreates learning

The Question:

“What did I contribute to this situation?”

This doesn’t mean taking blame. It means understanding the system.

AI prompt:

I had a conflict with [person] about [situation].

Help me map this from BOTH perspectives:
1. What I saw and experienced
2. What they probably saw and experienced
3. What assumptions am I making about their intentions?
4. What might they be assuming about my intentions?
5. What did each of us contribute to this situation?

Day 270 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Difficult Conversations” - Chapter 4-5 (Feelings + Identity)55 min
:memo:Reflection: What conversations threaten your identity?10 min

Conversation 2: The Feelings Conversation

The Mistake: Treating emotions as irrelevant The Truth: Unexpressed feelings leak out anyway

Feelings vocabulary (expand yours):

CategoryExamples
AngerFrustrated, annoyed, irritated, furious, resentful
SadnessDisappointed, hurt, lonely, grief, discouraged
FearAnxious, worried, scared, insecure, nervous
ShameEmbarrassed, humiliated, inadequate, guilty
JoyExcited, proud, relieved, grateful, hopeful

How to Share Feelings:


Conversation 3: The Identity Conversation

Three Core Identities at Risk:

Identity QuestionWhen Threatened…
Am I competent?”Are you saying I’m bad at my job?”
Am I a good person?”Are you saying I’m selfish?”
Am I worthy of love?”Does this mean you don’t care about me?”

All-or-Nothing Thinking:

Ground Your Identity: Accept that you are BOTH:


Day 271 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Difficult Conversations” - Chapters 6-8 (Starting + Learning + Expression)55 min
:zap:Create 5 flashcards on the Three Conversations10 min

How to Start a Difficult Conversation:

Don’t Start With Your Conclusion:

Start from the Third Story:

The Third Story is what a neutral observer would see:

The Opening:

“I wanted to talk about [X]. I have some concerns, and I’d like to understand your perspective.”

Purpose Check: Before starting, ask yourself:

  1. What do I want to learn?
  2. What do I want to share?
  3. What do I want for the relationship?

Day 272 (Saturday) - Lighter Day

TimeActivityDuration
:headphones:“Difficult Conversations” - Chapters 9-11 (Problem-Solving)45 min
:memo:Exercise: Script your avoided conversation25 min

Problem-Solving Together:

After understanding, move to solving:

  1. Generate options together
  2. Ask: “What would work for you?”
  3. Find creative solutions
  4. Test for understanding

When They’re Difficult:

They…You…
Attack youReframe to the issue
Won’t listenAcknowledge first, then share
Get defensiveAcknowledge their feelings
Deny everythingFocus on contribution, not blame

Script Your Conversation:

For the conversation you’ve been avoiding:

Opening (Third Story):

“I wanted to talk about ____________. I’ve been thinking about it, and I want to understand your perspective.”

Your Story:

“From my point of view, ____________”

Curiosity:

“I’m curious how you see it? What’s been going on for you?”

Feelings:

“I feel ____________ because ____________”

Request:

“I’m hoping we can ____________“


Day 273 (Sunday) - Review + Transition

TimeActivityDuration
:books:Complete “Difficult Conversations” - Final chapters35 min
:memo:Review flashcards10 min
:wrench:Order/download “Getting to Yes”5 min

Difficult Conversations Summary:

ConversationKey InsightShift
What HappenedThere’s no “truth” - just two storiesFrom certainty → curiosity
FeelingsUnexpressed emotions leak outFrom suppression → acknowledgment
IdentityAll-or-nothing thinking traps usFrom simplicity → complexity

The Transformation:

FromTo
”Let me tell you what happened""Help me understand your perspective"
"This is your fault""What did we each contribute?"
"That’s wrong""I see it differently”
DefendingLearning

Week 39 Checkpoint

Before moving to Week 40, you should have:


Week 40: Getting to Yes - Principled Negotiation

Goal: Complete “Getting to Yes” + Master BATNA and principled negotiation

Day 274 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:movie_camera:Watch: William Ury TED Talk “The Walk from ‘No’ to ‘Yes‘“19 min
:books:“Getting to Yes” - Introduction + Chapter 135 min

TED Talk: The Walk from ‘No’ to ‘Yes’

The Core Premise:

Negotiate based on PRINCIPLES, not POSITIONS.

Position vs. Interest:

PositionInterest
What they SAY they wantWHY they want it
”I want $50,000""I want to feel valued and pay my bills"
"I need the corner office""I need visible status in the organization"
"We can’t do that deadline""We’re worried about quality and burnout”

William Ury’s Key Insight:

“Go to the balcony” - Step back from the emotion to see the situation clearly.


Day 275 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting to Yes” - Chapter 2 (Separate People from Problems)50 min
:memo:Apply this to your current negotiations10 min

Principle 1: Separate People from Problems

Hard on ProblemsSoft on People
Attack the issueRespect the person
Stand firm on interestsBe open to their feelings
Challenge the logicAcknowledge their perspective
Push for solutionsBuild the relationship

The Formula:

“I understand you’re frustrated AND we still need to solve this.”

Common Mistake:

Relationship + Substance:


Day 276 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting to Yes” - Chapter 3 (Focus on Interests, Not Positions)50 min
:brain:AI-assisted: Uncover interests behind positions15 min

Principle 2: Focus on Interests, Not Positions

The Orange Story: Two sisters fighting over the last orange.

BUT if they’d asked about interests:

Both could have gotten 100% of what they needed.

How to Uncover Interests:

AskExample
”Why?""Why is that important to you?"
"Why not?""What concerns you about the other option?"
"What would that give you?""If you got X, what would that enable?"
"What’s the problem you’re trying to solve?”Getting to the underlying need

AI prompt:

I'm in a negotiation about: [situation]

My position is: [what I'm asking for]
Their position is: [what they're asking for]

Help me:
1. What might be MY underlying interests (not just position)?
2. What might be THEIR underlying interests?
3. What questions could I ask to uncover their real interests?
4. What creative options might satisfy both sets of interests?

Day 277 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting to Yes” - Chapter 4 (Invent Options for Mutual Gain)50 min
:zap:Create 5 flashcards on the 4 principles10 min

Principle 3: Invent Options for Mutual Gain

Expand the Pie Before Dividing It:

Brainstorming Rules:

  1. Separate inventing from deciding
  2. Generate many options before evaluating
  3. Look for shared interests
  4. Make their decision easy

Low-Cost, High-Value Trades:

Find things that:

Example:


Day 278 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting to Yes” - Chapter 5-6 (Objective Criteria + BATNA)55 min
:memo:Calculate your BATNA for a current negotiation15 min

Principle 4: Insist on Objective Criteria

SubjectiveObjective
”I deserve more""Market rate for this role is…"
"That’s not fair""Industry standard is…"
"I feel undervalued""Companies of our size typically…”

Sources of Objective Criteria:

BATNA: Best Alternative to Negotiated Agreement

Your power in any negotiation comes from your alternatives.

Calculate Your BATNA:

  1. What will you do if this negotiation fails?
  2. What are your alternatives?
  3. How good are they?

The Rule:

Never accept a deal worse than your BATNA. Never reject a deal better than your BATNA.

Your BATNA Worksheet:

Current negotiation: _______________

If this fails, I could:




My best alternative is: _______________ This means I should accept anything better than: _______________


Day 279 (Saturday) - Lighter Day

TimeActivityDuration
:headphones:Complete “Getting to Yes” - Final chapters40 min
:memo:Design a negotiation strategy20 min

When They Won’t Play:

What if the other side:

Negotiation Jujitsu:

Develop Your Strategy:

For your next negotiation:

ElementYour Answer
My PositionWhat I’m initially asking for
My InterestsWHY I want it
Their PositionWhat they’ll likely ask for
Their InterestsWHY they might want it
Options for Mutual GainCreative solutions
Objective CriteriaFair standards
My BATNAMy best alternative

Day 280 (Sunday) - Review + Transition

TimeActivityDuration
:memo:Review all Week 39-40 flashcards15 min
:wrench:Order/download “Nonviolent Communication”5 min
:zap:Watch: Marshall Rosenberg NVC intro (YouTube, 15 min)15 min

Getting to Yes Summary:

PrincipleApplication
Separate People from ProblemsHard on issues, soft on humans
Focus on InterestsAsk “Why?” to find underlying needs
Invent OptionsExpand the pie before dividing
Use Objective CriteriaFair standards, not power plays
Know Your BATNAYour power = your alternatives

Week 40 Checkpoint

Before moving to Week 41, you should have:


Week 41: Nonviolent Communication - Speaking from the Heart

Goal: Complete “Nonviolent Communication” + Practice OFNR daily

Day 281 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:movie_camera:Watch: Marshall Rosenberg NVC workshop (first 30 min)30 min
:books:“Nonviolent Communication” - Introduction + Chapter 130 min

Video: Search “Marshall Rosenberg NVC workshop” on YouTube (3+ hours available, start with first section)

The Core Premise:

Connect with yourself and others through honest expression and empathic listening.

Why “Nonviolent”?

The Question NVC Asks:

“What are you feeling? What do you need?”

This applies to BOTH:


Day 282 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Nonviolent Communication” - Chapter 2-3 (Observations)50 min
:zap:Practice: Convert 3 judgments to observations10 min

Component 1: OBSERVATIONS (Not Evaluations)

The Difference:

Evaluation (Avoid)Observation (Use)
“You’re always late""The last three times, you arrived after the start time"
"You never listen""When I was talking, you were looking at your phone"
"You’re being defensive""When I gave that feedback, you crossed your arms and raised your voice"
"This is messy""There are papers on the floor and dishes in the sink"
"You’re irresponsible""The deadline was Friday and I received it Monday”

The Test: Could a video camera capture this? If not, it’s an evaluation.

Practice Conversions:

JudgmentObservation
”She’s rude""When I asked a question, she walked away without responding"
"He doesn’t care""When I shared my concern, he said ‘okay’ and changed the subject"
"They’re lazy""The task has been on the list for three weeks without progress”

Day 283 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Nonviolent Communication” - Chapter 4 (Feelings)50 min
:memo:Build your feelings vocabulary15 min

Component 2: FEELINGS (Not Thoughts)

Feelings vs. Pseudo-Feelings:

Pseudo-Feeling (Thought)Actual Feeling
”I feel abandoned""I feel lonely, scared"
"I feel betrayed""I feel hurt, angry"
"I feel rejected""I feel sad, disappointed"
"I feel attacked""I feel scared, defensive"
"I feel unappreciated""I feel sad, discouraged”

The Test: “I feel that…” = a thought “I feel…” [emotion word] = a feeling

Feelings Vocabulary:

When needs ARE met:

EnergyExamples
HighExcited, thrilled, amazed, eager, inspired
MediumHappy, pleased, confident, hopeful, grateful
LowPeaceful, calm, relaxed, content, relieved

When needs are NOT met:

EnergyExamples
HighAngry, furious, frustrated, anxious, panicked
MediumSad, disappointed, hurt, confused, worried
LowTired, exhausted, numb, hopeless, discouraged

Day 284 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Nonviolent Communication” - Chapter 5 (Needs)50 min
:brain:AI-assisted: Identify needs behind feelings15 min

Component 3: NEEDS (Universal Human Needs)

All Humans Share These Needs:

CategoryNeeds
ConnectionLove, acceptance, appreciation, understanding, trust
AutonomyChoice, freedom, independence, space
MeaningPurpose, contribution, growth, learning
PhysicalFood, rest, shelter, safety, health
PlayFun, joy, humor, relaxation
HonestyAuthenticity, integrity, presence
PeaceOrder, harmony, equality, beauty

Connecting Feelings to Needs:

I feel…Because I need…
FrustratedEffectiveness, to be heard
LonelyConnection, companionship
AnxiousSafety, predictability
HurtRespect, consideration
GratefulSupport, care

AI prompt:

I'm having a difficult interaction with someone.

Situation: [describe what happened]

Help me identify:
1. What am I OBSERVING (facts only, no judgments)?
2. What am I FEELING (emotions, not thoughts)?
3. What NEEDS of mine are (un)met?
4. What might THEY be feeling?
5. What NEEDS might they have?

Day 285 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Nonviolent Communication” - Chapter 6 (Requests)50 min
:zap:Create 5 flashcards on OFNR10 min

Component 4: REQUESTS (Not Demands)

The Difference:

DemandRequest
”No” is punished”No” is respected
Creates resistanceInvites cooperation
”You MUST do this""Would you be willing to…?”

Good Requests Are:

QualityExample
PositiveWhat you DO want, not don’t want
SpecificClear, concrete action
PresentWhat they can do now
ActionableSomething they can actually do

Bad → Good:

Bad RequestGood Request
”Stop being late""Would you be willing to arrive by 9am tomorrow?"
"Be more considerate""Would you text me when you’re running late?"
"I need more support""Would you be willing to listen for 10 minutes?"
"Just try harder""Would you be willing to complete X by Friday?”

Day 286 (Saturday) - Lighter Day + Practice

TimeActivityDuration
:headphones:“Nonviolent Communication” - Chapters 7-950 min
:memo:Exercise: Full OFNR practice20 min

The Full OFNR Pattern:

“When I [OBSERVATION]… I feel [FEELING]… because I need [NEED]… Would you be willing to [REQUEST]?”

Example:

“When I see dishes in the sink from this morning… I feel frustrated… because I need order and shared responsibility… Would you be willing to wash your dishes before bed tonight?”

Your Practice:

Think of a current frustration. Fill in:

Observation: When I see/hear _______________

Feeling: I feel _______________

Need: Because I need _______________

Request: Would you be willing to _______________?


Day 287 (Sunday) - Review + Transition

TimeActivityDuration
:books:Complete “Nonviolent Communication” - Final chapters40 min
:memo:Review all flashcards15 min
:wrench:Order/download “Thanks for the Feedback”5 min

Nonviolent Communication Summary:

ComponentKey Distinction
O - ObservationsFacts, not evaluations (“You’re late” → “You arrived at 10:15”)
F - FeelingsEmotions, not thoughts (“I feel abandoned” → “I feel lonely”)
N - NeedsUniversal needs, not strategies
R - RequestsPositive, specific, present, allows “no”

The Gift of Empathy: Apply OFNR to understand THEM too:


Week 41 Checkpoint

Before moving to Week 42, you should have:


Week 42: Thanks for the Feedback - Receiving Well

Goal: Complete “Thanks for the Feedback” + Understand feedback triggers

Day 288 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:movie_camera:Watch: Sheila Heen on receiving feedback (any interview/talk)15 min
:books:“Thanks for the Feedback” - Introduction + Chapters 1-245 min

The Core Premise:

The key to receiving feedback well is understanding why we reject it.

Three Types of Feedback:

TypePurposeWhat We NeedExample
AppreciationFeel valuedRecognition”Great job on that presentation”
CoachingGet betterHow to improve”Try slowing down when you present”
EvaluationKnow standingRating”You’re meeting expectations”

The Problem: We often get one type when we need another:


Day 289 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Thanks for the Feedback” - Chapters 3-4 (Truth Triggers)50 min
:memo:Identify your feedback patterns10 min

Trigger 1: TRUTH TRIGGERS

“This feedback is WRONG!”

What Happens:

The Skill: Separate Content from Delivery

They say…You hear…Consider…
”You’re always late”Wrong! I’m sometimes on time!When AM I late? What pattern might they see?
”Your report was unclear”No it wasn’t!Which parts might be unclear to someone else?

The Truth About Truth:

Ask:

“What’s RIGHT about this feedback, even if the delivery is off?”


Day 290 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Thanks for the Feedback” - Chapters 5-6 (Relationship Triggers)50 min
:brain:AI-assisted: Separate content from giver15 min

Trigger 2: RELATIONSHIP TRIGGERS

“Who are YOU to tell ME this?”

What Happens:

Two Issues Get Mixed:

  1. The CONTENT of the feedback (what they said)
  2. The RELATIONSHIP with the giver (how you feel about them)

The Skill: Separate the Two

Even if:

…the feedback might still contain truth.

AI prompt:

I received feedback that triggered me because of who gave it:

The feedback was: [what they said]
The giver is: [their relationship to me]
My reaction: [how I felt about them giving this]

Help me:
1. Separate the content from the giver
2. What might be true about the feedback, regardless of source?
3. What's my relationship issue that I should address separately?

Day 291 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Thanks for the Feedback” - Chapters 7-8 (Identity Triggers)55 min
:zap:Create 5 flashcards on the three triggers10 min

Trigger 3: IDENTITY TRIGGERS

“This threatens who I think I am!”

What Happens:

The Three Identity Stories:

StoryThreatDefense
”I’m competent""Maybe I’m not good at this""They don’t understand the difficulty"
"I’m a good person""Maybe I hurt someone""I didn’t mean it that way"
"I’m worthy of love""Maybe I’m not valued""They’re just picking on me”

The Skill: Maintain Complexity

All-or-NothingComplex Identity
”If this is true, I’m a failure""I’m someone who sometimes fails AND is still competent"
"If I hurt them, I’m a bad person""I’m a good person who sometimes causes harm”

Right-sizing:


Day 292 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Thanks for the Feedback” - Chapters 9-1150 min
:memo:Identify your primary trigger15 min

Getting Better at Receiving:

Before:

During:

After:

Questions That Help:

Instead of…Ask…
Defending”Can you give me an example?”
Dismissing”What would better look like?”
Attacking”Help me understand your perspective”
Shutting down”Let me think about this and come back”

Your Trigger Profile:

Which trigger affects you most?


Day 293 (Saturday) - Lighter Day

TimeActivityDuration
:headphones:Complete “Thanks for the Feedback” - Final chapters45 min
:memo:Exercise: Ask for feedback this week15 min

Pulling Feedback:

Instead of waiting for feedback (push), actively seek it (pull):

Push (Less Effective)Pull (More Effective)
Wait for annual reviewAsk weekly
General: “Any feedback?”Specific: “What’s one thing I could improve on X?”
Defensive when givenCurious when received

Your Feedback Request:

This week, ask three people:

  1. Person: _______________ Question: “What’s one thing I could do differently in [X]?”

  2. Person: _______________ Question: “What am I not seeing about [Y]?”

  3. Person: _______________ Question: “If you had to suggest one improvement, what would it be?”


Day 294 (Sunday) - Review + Transition

TimeActivityDuration
:memo:Review all flashcards15 min
:wrench:Order/download “Getting Past No” and “The Anatomy of Peace”5 min
:books:Begin “Getting Past No” - first chapter preview20 min

Thanks for the Feedback Summary:

TriggerWhat HappensSkill
Truth”It’s wrong!”Find what’s right
Relationship”Who are you to tell me?”Separate content from giver
Identity”This threatens who I am”Maintain complexity

The Receiving Stance:

“What can I learn from this, even if it’s delivered poorly?”


Week 42 Checkpoint

Before moving to Week 43, you should have:


Week 43: Getting Past No + The Anatomy of Peace

Goal: Complete both books + Master breakthrough negotiation strategies

Day 295 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting Past No” - Introduction + Chapters 1-250 min
:memo:Note: What situations make you react instead of respond?10 min

When “Getting to Yes” Doesn’t Work:

“Getting Past No” is for when the other side:

The 5 Breakthrough Strategies:

StepStrategyWhat It Means
1Go to the BalconyDon’t react; step back
2Step to Their SideDisarm, acknowledge, agree where you can
3ReframeChange the game from positions to interests
4Build a Golden BridgeMake it easy for them to say yes
5Use Power to EducateHelp them see consequences

Day 296 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting Past No” - Chapters 3-4 (Go to the Balcony + Step to Their Side)55 min
:brain:AI-assisted: Practice stepping to their side15 min

Strategy 1: Go to the Balcony

When attacked, we naturally:

The Balcony: Imagine you’re watching from above:

Tactics:


Strategy 2: Step to Their Side

Disarm them by acknowledging their perspective.

Instead of…Try…
”That’s ridiculous""I can see why you’d feel that way"
"You’re wrong""I hadn’t thought of it that way"
"But…""Yes, and…”

Acknowledge Without Agreeing:

AI prompt:

I'm in a difficult negotiation where the other person is being adversarial.

They're saying/doing: [describe their behavior]
My natural reaction is: [describe your instinct]

Help me:
1. What would "going to the balcony" look like here?
2. How could I "step to their side" without giving up my position?
3. What could I acknowledge that might disarm them?

Day 297 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“Getting Past No” - Chapters 5-6 (Reframe + Golden Bridge)55 min
:zap:Practice reframing statements10 min

Strategy 3: Reframe

Change the game from positions to interests.

Reframing Techniques:

They Say…Reframe To…
”I want X""What would X give you?"
"That’s not acceptable""What would be acceptable?"
"Take it or leave it""Help me understand why this matters”
Personal attackFocus on the problem

The Power of Questions:


Strategy 4: Build a Golden Bridge

Make it easy for them to say yes.

Obstacles to Agreement:

The Bridge:

ObstacleSolution
Not their ideaAsk for their input, incorporate it
Looking weakHelp them explain it as a win
Losing faceLet them save face
Too big a leapCreate small steps

Day 298 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:Complete “Getting Past No” + Begin “The Anatomy of Peace” - Preface + Part 155 min
:memo:Reflection: When is your heart “at war”?10 min

Strategy 5: Use Power to Educate

Show consequences, but don’t threaten.

The Difference:

ThreatEducation
”If you don’t, I’ll…""If we can’t agree, we’ll each have to…"
"You’ll be sorry""Here’s what might happen for both of us”
AttackingInforming

The Goal: Not to punish, but to make clear the cost of not agreeing.


The Anatomy of Peace - Introduction:

A different lens on conflict: the HEART.

Two Ways of Being:

Heart at WarHeart at Peace
See others as objectsSee others as people
Justify yourselfTake responsibility
Need to be rightWant to understand
Blame othersLook at your contribution

Self-Betrayal: When we betray what we know is right, we justify it by seeing others negatively.


Day 299 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:books:“The Anatomy of Peace” - Parts 2-355 min
:zap:Create 5 flashcards on Heart at War/Peace10 min

The Box:

When we have a “heart at war,” we’re “in the box.”

Signs You’re in the Box:

How We Get in the Box:

  1. We have an instinct to help/do right
  2. We betray it (don’t act on it)
  3. We justify the betrayal
  4. We start seeing others negatively

Getting Out of the Box:


Day 300 (Saturday) - Lighter Day

TimeActivityDuration
:headphones:Complete “The Anatomy of Peace” - Final parts50 min
:memo:Exercise: Identify your “box” patterns20 min

Four Styles of Being in the Box:

StyleHow It LooksJustification
Better ThanSuperior, dismissive”I’m smarter/better”
Worse ThanVictim, helpless”I can’t because…”
I DeserveEntitled, demanding”I’ve earned this”
Must Be Seen AsImage-focused”People need to think…”

Your Box Patterns:

Which style do you default to in conflict?

What triggers this?


What would “heart at peace” look like in that situation?



Day 301 (Sunday) - Integration

TimeActivityDuration
:memo:Review all Phase 4 flashcards20 min
:memo:Map the frameworks together20 min

How the Frameworks Connect:

┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│                     HEART AT PEACE                           │
│              (Foundation for everything else)                │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│              DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS                         │
│         Three Conversations: What Happened, Feelings,        │
│                      Identity                                │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

┌───────────────────────┐     ┌────────────────────────────────┐
│    GETTING TO YES     │     │    NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION    │
│  Interests > Positions│     │   Observations, Feelings,      │
│  BATNA, Mutual Gain   │     │     Needs, Requests            │
└───────────────────────┘     └────────────────────────────────┘

┌──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│              THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK                         │
│    Truth, Relationship, Identity Triggers → Receiving well   │
└──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘

Week 43 Checkpoint

Before moving to Week 44, you should have:


Week 44: Integration, Practice, Phase 4 Completion

Goal: Practice with role-plays, complete reflection, consolidate learning

Day 302 (Monday)

TimeActivityDuration
:brain:AI-assisted role-play: Difficult conversation30 min
:memo:Journal: Analyze a past conflict25 min

Role-Play Practice 1: Giving Difficult Feedback

AI prompt:

I need to practice giving difficult feedback.

Scenario: I need to tell a colleague that their work quality has been slipping.

Play the role of the colleague. Start defensive, but respond realistically to good technique.

I'll practice:
1. Starting from the "Third Story"
2. Using "And Stance"
3. Sharing observations (not judgments)
4. Expressing my feelings and needs
5. Making a clear request

Give me feedback on my approach after each exchange.

Conflict Analysis Journal:

Think of a past conflict. Analyze it:

QuestionYour Answer
What happened? (facts only)
What was my story?
What was their story?
What did I contribute?
What did they contribute?
What feelings were present? (mine)
What feelings were present? (theirs)
What needs were unmet? (mine)
What needs were unmet? (theirs)
What would I do differently?

Day 303 (Tuesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:brain:AI-assisted role-play: Negotiation30 min
:memo:Design your NVC practice25 min

Role-Play Practice 2: Salary Negotiation

AI prompt:

I want to practice negotiating a raise.

Play the role of my manager who:
- Has budget constraints
- Values me but hasn't offered a raise
- Might be defensive

I'll practice:
1. Starting with interests (not positions)
2. Using objective criteria
3. Building a "golden bridge"
4. Knowing my BATNA

Start the conversation with "What did you want to talk about?" and respond realistically.

NVC Daily Practice Plan:

For the next week, practice NVC:

DayPractice
Day 1Notice judgments; convert 3 to observations
Day 2Identify feelings throughout the day
Day 3Connect feelings to needs
Day 4Make one request (not demand)
Day 5Apply full OFNR to one situation
Day 6Practice empathic listening with OFNR
Day 7Reflect on what you’ve learned

Day 304 (Wednesday)

TimeActivityDuration
:brain:AI-assisted role-play: Receiving feedback30 min
:zap:Practice receiving feedback from someone today20 min

Role-Play Practice 3: Receiving Critical Feedback

AI prompt:

I want to practice receiving critical feedback well.

Give me feedback on my:
- Communication style (tell me I interrupt too much)
- Work quality (tell me my reports are too detailed)
- Collaboration (tell me I don't include others enough)

Deliver it realistically - with some truth and some inaccuracy.

I'll practice:
1. Not getting defensive
2. Asking clarifying questions
3. Separating content from giver
4. Finding what's useful
5. Thanking you

Give me feedback on how well I received it.

Day 305 (Thursday)

TimeActivityDuration
:memo:Complete Phase 4 Reflection Questions45 min
:zap:Final flashcard review15 min

Phase 4 Reflection Questions:

  1. What’s your default conflict style?

    • Avoid (pretend it doesn’t exist)
    • Accommodate (give in to keep peace)
    • Compete (win at all costs)
    • Compromise (meet in the middle)
    • Collaborate (find win-win)
  2. Using NVC, reframe a recent difficult interaction:

    • Observation: _______________
    • Feeling: _______________
    • Need: _______________
    • Request: _______________
  3. What’s your BATNA in a current situation?


  4. Which feedback trigger affects you most?

    • Truth (you think it’s wrong)
    • Relationship (you reject the source)
    • Identity (it threatens who you are)
  5. When is your heart “at war”? What triggers it?


  6. Name three things you’d do differently in past conflicts:




  7. What’s the most important skill you’ve learned in Phase 4?



Day 306 (Friday)

TimeActivityDuration
:brain:Final role-play: Complete difficult conversation35 min
:memo:Create your conflict resolution “cheat sheet”20 min

Your Conflict Resolution Cheat Sheet:

When conflict arises:

Step 1: Go to the Balcony

Step 2: Check Your Heart

Step 3: Understand the Three Conversations

Step 4: Use OFNR

Step 5: Negotiate on Interests

Step 6: Receive Feedback Well


Day 307 (Saturday) - Review Day

TimeActivityDuration
:memo:Review entire Phase 430 min
:memo:Identify ongoing practice areas20 min
:wrench:Preview Phase 5 books10 min

Phase 4 Books Summary:

BookKey FrameworkOne-Line Takeaway
Difficult ConversationsThree ConversationsEvery conflict has facts, feelings, and identity
Getting to YesPrincipled NegotiationFocus on interests, not positions
Nonviolent CommunicationOFNRObservations → Feelings → Needs → Requests
Thanks for the FeedbackThree TriggersTruth, Relationship, Identity block receiving
Getting Past No5 Breakthrough StepsGo to balcony, step to their side, reframe, golden bridge, educate
The Anatomy of PeaceHeart at War/PeaceSee others as people, not objects

Day 308 (Sunday) - Phase 4 Completion

TimeActivityDuration
:wrench:Update PROGRESS_TRACKER.md10 min
:wrench:Order/download Phase 5A books10 min
:memo:Final reflection20 min

Phase 4 Complete!

What You’ve Accomplished

Phase 4 (Weeks 39-44):

Time Invested

You Now Understand:


Next Steps: Phase 5 Preview

Phase 5: Build & Create

You’ve learned to understand yourself (Phase 1), understand others (Phase 2), lead (Phase 3), and navigate conflict (Phase 4). Now learn to BUILD.

Phase 5A: Strategy & Finance

BookAuthorWhy It Matters
Good Strategy Bad StrategyRichard RumeltWhat strategy actually is
Playing to WinLafley & MartinMaking strategic choices
Thinking in BetsAnnie DukeDecision-making under uncertainty
Financial IntelligenceBerman & KnightReading the numbers

Phase 5B: Entrepreneurship

BookAuthorWhy It Matters
The Lean StartupEric RiesBuild → Measure → Learn
Zero to OnePeter ThielCreating something new
This Is MarketingSeth GodinMarketing that matters

Key insight: Strategy is choosing what NOT to do. Entrepreneurship is creating what doesn’t exist.

Continue to Phase 5A: Strategy & Finance


Troubleshooting

”I’m behind schedule”

Options:

  1. Prioritize: If you can only read 3 books: “Difficult Conversations” + “Getting to Yes” + “Nonviolent Communication”
  2. Videos: Marshall Rosenberg’s workshop is 3 hours and covers NVC fully
  3. Audiobooks: All are excellent on audio
  4. Extend: Take 7-8 weeks instead of 6

”These books seem repetitive”

“I don’t have conflicts to practice on”

“NVC feels awkward”


Quick Reference Card

Three Conversations

  1. What Happened - Two stories, both incomplete
  2. Feelings - Present in every conflict
  3. Identity - Competence, goodness, worthiness

Getting to Yes

  1. Separate people from problems
  2. Focus on interests, not positions
  3. Invent options for mutual gain
  4. Use objective criteria
  5. Know your BATNA

OFNR (NVC)

Feedback Triggers

Breakthrough Negotiation

  1. Go to the Balcony
  2. Step to Their Side
  3. Reframe
  4. Build a Golden Bridge
  5. Use Power to Educate

Heart at Peace vs. War


Eleven and twelve months complete. You understand yourself (Phase 1), others (Phase 2), leadership (Phase 3), and now conflict navigation (Phase 4). Phase 5 teaches you to build and create - strategy and entrepreneurship.

Continue to Phase 5A: Strategy & Finance


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